Say No to Competition/Jealousy - Blog

Date November 21, 2016
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10 Habits of Happy Mothers- Habit #4 Say No to Competition

This week in Mom2Mom we discussed the issues of competition and jealousy.  The world we live in coaxes us to compete with other women.  Marketing and social media influences the way we feel about ourselves, and the decisions we make for our children.

Question #1. What competitive voices are shouting to you as a woman to be all that you can be and have it all? 

Meg Meeker suggests we often compare ourselves to other women in the areas of weight, figure, clothes, neighborhood we live in, number of children, employed full or part time  or stay at home mom just to name a few. 

Question #2. In this day of the frenetic mother culture, what competitive voices are you hearing which influence the opportunities you desire for your children to get ahead? How does this affect your family life? 

Meg Meeker suggests the decisions we make on behalf of our children affects the way we spend money, how we express love based upon expectations, behavior and successes, how simple or complex our family life is and even how we practice faith.  

Stop and examine your feelings you have toward other women.  Are you sizing up the choices she is making? What about the life she has?  Are you critical?  Do you find yourself competing, thinking you need that or want things based on what others have?  Do you make decisions for your children based upon what other moms are doing? 

Competing with other women affects us negatively in three profound ways: it ignites jealousy, it keeps us in a constant state of restlessness and it affects our relationships with others.  

Five Ways to stop Competition and Jealousy and Make the Habit Stick

1) Recongize jealousy and don’t be fooled

The problem occurs and jealousy spirals into a sin when we begin to compare and start to whine and are not content with what God has given us.  This is a destructive behavior and the feelings will continue until we choose to stop.  Jealousy begins with discomfort as it makes you feel inadequate- irritation-critical- aggitation-anger- and then a desire to gossip finding fault.  (Proverbs 14:30)

2) Head competition off at the pass

Jealousy and competition with other women accomplishes only one purpose and that is to take us down.  When we are jealous of another woman we often feel the need to change or improve to be more like her.  Desperation follows and we become consumed with angst.  Recognize the feeling, be specific, say it out loud and confess the sin.  Seeking the help of a Godly friend is often helpful. (I John 1:9)

3) Give frequent verbal applause

Saying nice things, complementing other women for the attritubes you admire, and encouraging women creates relationships which are healthy and uplifting.  Jealousy goes away and relationships grow.  Choose to say no to jealousy-confess your sin-praise God for how He made you just how you are-and then complement women for the things they do well through God’s power.  (Ps. 51:10-12)

4) Focus on the fullness not the emptiness

Happy people are thankful people and fun to be around.  Rarely do happy or joyful people complain.  They focus on the positive.  Competitive women focus on what they don’t have.  (Ps. 100:4, James 1:17)  What fills the spaces of your mind? (Luke 6:45) When you are focusing on the emptiness, make a list of all the things you are thankful for starting with the eternal and moving to the earthly blessings. 

5) Be diligent in kindness

Choose to stop being so wrapped up in your feelings.  Just because you feel it doesn’t make it true?  Do kind things like make a call, send a card or e-mail, take a meal to someone in need, offer to drive other’s children, listen to other’s needs.  Acts of kindness increases our love and and improves relationships. (I Pet 4:10, Gal 6:10)

Conclusion: “If we can recognize our value as mothers and treasure everything we do have in our lives, we are complete and can enjoy other mothers for who they are.  We can let friendship thrive and let real joy enter our lives.” Meg Meeker pg 82

Praying for you, Laura Rawden Mentor Mom